What Women Want (or ‘The Mystery of the Riddle Inside an Enigma’)

Pandora’s Box

Without any historical or sociological proof, I would like to put forward the theory that the story of Pandora’s Box was written by a man (possibly recently married) who made the mistake of trying to understand his female companion’s wants and needs.

The fact is, the man who can tell you with certainty what a woman wants can most likely also tell you with certainty who shot Kennedy, as well as the eleven secret herbs and spices that make up the Colonel’s secret recipe.

Women will claim that they are more ‘complex’ than men, and you will find no argument here.

Simply start with an examination of the mere physical make-up: men have the majority of their erogenous zones organized into one locale, while women on the other hand have, what is it at last count, 103 or something (?) sprinkled liberally all over. And, as our research has also revealed, while one woman might enjoy and become aroused by something like light-nibbling on the hip, to another woman this is the equivalent to a medieval declaration of war.

There is little difference when it comes to the emotional aspect. It would be impossible to pin down exactly what women want, because they differ so widely – which is great – variety is the spice of life. Also it doesn’t help to ask, because, truth be told, they don’t necessarily know and are even likely to give you some very bad advice (consider the girl who grooms her man into something more “sensitive” and civilized and the leaves him for old Conan who she met at the gym). But where does that leave men in figuring women out?

Perhaps we can consider these starting guide-lines:

Start with Mother Nature.

Now here’s one lady who’s outsmarted Man since the dawn of time, so she’s definitely one to look to when trying to comprehend the Great Mystery which is Woman. As much as we may set ourselves aside from it, Men & Women are members of the animal kingdom. Our basic instincts are driven by primal biological needs – as a starting point. As with all animals it is a drive to reproduce[1]. Men are driven by the desire to spread their progeny. Women by the desire to bear children but also to rear and raise.

Okay, I hear you laughing from here, which is fine, laughter is good. Here is where you point out that you don’t want kids and you know many a woman who couldn’t begin to raise one. Well, that’s true and it’s all well and good, because Mother Nature is smarter than that. She didn’t leave those things to us. Our desire is raised by those factors whether our conscious mind is pondering them or not. Scientific studies have shown that the physical qualities that cause arousal are linked to procreation, and don’t fool yourself, many of the emotional draws are also primal.

So examining it from this point-of-view, what would a woman want?

Looks. Well if she’s going to choose to procreate with someone, she would probably pick someone she could stand the sight of for starters, so Yes, looks help, but there are other factors.

Health.  Because primal instinct wants to ensure the greatest likelihood of survival for the unborn tyke.

Security. Yes, money helps, it’s the new muscle. The family that won’t starve in the winter, no longer requires a mighty mammoth hunter in its midst, but rather someone who can afford to hire a bunch of mammoth hunters, pay for mammoth delivery to the cave and possibly some mammoth-chefs.

Personality. Here it gets more complicated, and this is less about mother nature than history and personal taste. The fact is you can start with some basic traits that women always say they find attractive, see if they make sense biologically and decide if it’s true (like the following).

Sense of Humor. Oh, how they love to say “sense of humor,” or a “man who can make me laugh.” But is it true? If this most luring of qualities to women indeed holds such awesome power, one might well wonder why Pee Wee Herman had to get his own rocks off in a seedy theatre… was he out of punch-lines? I’ve never seen Steven Wright make People Magazine’s list of sexiest men alive, you may well observe.

Truth be told, this is not a stand-alone attractor. One also has to understand what type of humor, and mainly ‘Why?’.

Why do women find a sense of humor attractive? A sense of humor’s simplest appeal has to do with smiling. Smiling actually causes a chemical release in the brain which provides one with a mild sense of euphoria, a pleasant feeling. If you are able to make a woman smile or laugh throughout the course of an evening they may not remember a specific joke you have told but they will associate you with that generally pleasant feeling that comes with smiling and laughter. This of course bodes well for the possibility of further encounters.

On a more complex level, a sense of humor has a positive social connotation, which is the suggestion that other people would generally like you because you can make them laugh. This matters to women who are more social creatures generally than men.

Confidence. Often ranked first, confidence is quite simply good salesmanship. People are more likely to buy a product from a salesman who believes in his product – “well he seems so certain and he’s given me no reason to doubt it”. There is also the social aspect – once again, confidence suggests someone who is prepared to be an alpha-male, it ties in to success, and success[2] is survival in this day and age.


So these are just some of the things to consider in the dating game. The thing is though, if you’re serious, you’re going to have to Pay Attention in order to determine just the right mix of ingredients as it varies from one woman to the next.

On the bright side, that in itself is something women want (just as men do) and that’s someone who will pay them some attention.

(To Be Continued…)

[1](i) While this may be controversial, we maintain that anything a Man does of value can be traced back to a desire to procreate. How else would Bill Gates have gotten some if he hadn’t become a multi-billionair? As for the likes of those spiritualists who have taken oaths of celibacy, they may be the exceptions, but take into account that the very goal they are attempting to achieve is to distance themselves from nature, what is ‘natural’, in an attempt to be closer to the ‘spiritual’. In this sense we can say that what they are doing is ‘un-natural’ (in a context that implies no negativity) but we are attempting to deal with human nature, i.e. what is natural.

(ii) The exception may be those Chinese Pandas… but who’s to say the she-Panda wasn’t just damn ugly by Panda standards, and things may have moved quicker if they hadn’t given the he-Panda the option to watch porn instead…

[2] Success can take on a variety of forms, but in male/female relationships there needs to be the suggestion of success within societal structures. Remember, we are biologically programmed and women generally want a provider, that is a man who CAN provide, even if she does not require being provided for, and she may never call him on it. As we ‘evolve’ the priority of these attributes may shift as it becomes more ingrained and accepted in society that women do not need men for support (or survival) in the classic sense. Our biological draws will change. But despite any arguments to the contrary these thing are still currently active biological draws. Evolution works slowly, and, despite what the logical or reasoning mind may tell us, we are still influenced greatly by primal drives, just as sub-conscious elements of our psychological make-up will also play a role in our development and behaviour and influence our likes and dislikes.


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